What do you do when..

you still care but you don't?
you want to hold on but you can't?
you wish it would work but it won't?
you hope there was another way but there isn't?

what do you do when the love runs dry?

Thinspiration Anyone?

So it's no big secret that I am currently struggling to lose the weight I've gained over the past year. Last night, I discovered that my cousin is trying to work off her baby weight so we decided that we'll keep tabs on each other every week to see where we're at. The first to lose 40 pounds wins. Wins what? I'm not too sure. We should probably decide on that soon. In any case, the greatest reward will come when I'm 40 pounds lighter so the other benefits doesn't really concern me but does help motivate me. Any suggestions on how to lose the weight for good? I don't want to be yo yo dieting for the rest of my life anymore. It always ends up coming back in greater numbers :(

So far I plan on:

regular healthy breakfasts such as plain oatmeal with fruit

many mini meals each day

morning runs 3-5 times a week

3 fork sized dessert bites

lots of water!!

quit drinking (excessively)

My game plan is all about moderation. I know it isn't much but I need a sustainable plan to make it a lifestyle change, not just a temporary change The last time I cut everything "yummy but unhealthy" out of my diet I lost 10 pounds in less than 2 weeks but gained way more in the long run :( Need more ideas, that's for sure. I want to look and feel great again.

Get Rid of Procrastination

So.. I've come to the conclusion that I will do quite a bit for money, and that often leads me to put other things off regardless of how important they may be. Putting the two together I thought up an experiment and hopefully it'll work to my advantage. I'm going to..... pay myself to do whatever I have to do. Simple, isn't it? Effortless yet tedious tasks such as washing dishes regularly would only equate to a few bucks but larger, impossible tasks such as cleaning my room (for those of you who don't know, it's disgustingly messy and it really does take days..) will be more along the double digits.. Also, I'll put aside some cash for things I should be doing regularly like working out and studying/going to class. All this will go to my next vacation to __enter location here__ next year. Most likely Toronto but I'd like to be able to go to other places as well.. Not just T.dot. haha. We'll see how far I get with this. And I'll let you know if it works. :) Feel free to try this at home. :P

Best I've Ever Had

I went to Toronto this past week looking for something different and maybe something familiar.. Came back and realized that Toronto is where I should've been 5 years ago.. Somehow, there is always something that is pulling me to go..


more pics to come..

"I want this forever I swear I could spend whatever on it.."

In a Heart Beat

I'm back from Toronto and of course the first thing I did was try to upload photos.. ONLY to realize that they cannot be uploaded! oh em gee! there is something wrong with my memory card and it's hurting me so much just knowing that it's fucked and possibly unrecoverable! In any case, I got more than I could've asked for from my trip. No, I didn't go and look for my ex-boyfriend, but I made some interesting discoveries about myself and the people around me.

Can you feel my heart beating for you?

Going Out of Town: Memory Lane

Anyone going to be in Toronto this Saturday 8th to Thursday 13th? Hit me up!!

It's been a long time since I've gone back.. A little over 4 years to be exact. The last time I was there it was to have my first real Valentine's day with my at-the-time-boyfriend. Everything was perfect.. The most perfect Valentine's day I could ever have asked for.. He made me so happy.. and he made me realize what love felt like.....

It would have been our 7 year anniversary this coming fall. We would have been married by now.. I think things turned out for the better this way though.. He deserves much more.. the world, really.

I hope you are happier now than I've ever made you before. I'm scared to say that I will always have a tender spot for you, but I think it might just be true.. My heart will always hurt when I think of you.. Just like how it's hurting now.. I love you, Mike. and I'm sorry for the pain I've caused..

I don't think I will ever find a purer love than his. "I want unconditional love", I told him.. And that is what he gave me...

**edit: wow.. this was supposed to be a post announcing my vacation time in Toronto. Instead it became a post about my bleeding heart... I have a lot of growing to do..

I will make you proud of me one day.. I promise..